He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
