Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
