So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
