I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
