He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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