I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Buhtt sex?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
