I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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