talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
