Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
