k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick