I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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