So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
