We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
