Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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