So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my being single is dangerous.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize