I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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