nut hugger
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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