I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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