I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
