Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
