i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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