I smell stomach acid.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
