Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We're hate flirting, damnit.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
