I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
