So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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