you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
