Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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