Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
