A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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