I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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