Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
