Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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