i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
