worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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