just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
