I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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