i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
