He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
