if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
