Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
