He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
