If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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