We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
