He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?