he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.