The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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