New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
