fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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