My cat gives me a boner
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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