Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize