I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
