wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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