Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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