I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
