addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize