Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
