When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
