OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
