Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
nutella sex= disaster
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
