I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize