I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
