So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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