you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
