The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
