Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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