there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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