tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
