if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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