hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
