bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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