quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
