then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
