I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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