Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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