Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
