i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
