That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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