I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
