is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
