im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
