First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
