I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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